Do You Know These 10 Surprisingly Rude Phrases?

Does this email sound rude? English is not my first language, so I just want to make sure everything is okay.

Hi, this is an email to one of my supervisors. Please check to make sure it sounds polite and not rude.

We’re dealing with some sensitive issues at my office and I need to make sure this group message to my team members doesn’t sound rude.

Our TextRanch customers often include notes like the ones above when they submit their work emails, text messages, and other communications for editing and proofreading. When English isn’t your first language and you’re dealing with an unfamiliar culture, it can be tough to determine what might unintentionally offend, irritate, or shut people down. So if you’ve ever wondered if you’re accidentally sounding rude, this article is for you!

Below you will find a list common phrases that may sound polite but are actually rude. Most of these are used primarily in spoken English, but they occasionally appear in written English as well. We have also included some alternate phrases that have a similar meaning, but sound more thoughtful and respectful.

1. “No offense, but…”

Why it’s rude: It’s like announcing, “Brace yourself—I’m going to say/write something mean now.”
Starting a sentence with “No offense” doesn’t cancel out what follows it. In fact, it often makes the situation worse because it signals that you knew it might come off badly.

Use this instead: “I can see where you’re coming from, but my perspective on this issue is different.”

2. “Calm down.”

Why it’s rude: It’s dismissive and invalidates someone’s emotions.
Telling someone to calm down when they’re upset almost never works. It usually makes the other person feel as if you don’t care about an important or urgent situation. This phrase is especially toxic when a man says it to a woman.

Use this instead: “I can see that this situation is really bothering you. How can I help?”

3. “If you’d just…”

Why it’s rude: It sounds like finger-pointing.
This phrase may seem like an attempt at problem-solving, but it’s really just shifting the blame to the other person.

Use this instead: “Maybe we could try a different approach” or “One thing that might help is…”

4. “Whatever.”

Why it’s rude: It shuts down the conversation and signals you don’t want to be bothered.
“Whatever” screams “I’m done with this”. Even if you are over it, this word can come off as passive-aggressive or dismissive. It also can make you sound like an immature, sulky teenager.

Use this instead: “Let’s take a break and come back to this later.”

5. “You always…” or “You never…”

Why it’s rude: These phrases sound like a personal attack.
It is rare for a person to always or never do something—for example, no one is always late for work. These phrases can also put the other person on the defensive.

Use this instead: “I noticed that this has already happened a few times. I think we need to find a way to deal with it.”

 

6. “I’m just being honest.”

Why it’s rude: It’s often a cover for being unnecessarily harsh.
Yes, it’s important to tell the truth, but “just being honest” often translates as “I’m going to say something that might hurt your feelings, but I’m not going to take responsibility for it.”

Use this instead: “I need to be honest with you about this situation, but I also want to address it respectfully.”

7. “You look tired.”

Why it’s rude: Even if you are truly concerned about the other person, it sounds like you’re telling them that they look bad.
Unless someone asks for your opinion on their physical appearance, it’s better to skip this one. This is also one of those toxic phrases you especially want to avoid if you’re a man speaking/writing to a woman.

Use this instead: “You’ve had a long day. Want to take a break?”

8. “With all due respect…”

Why it’s rude: It sounds sarcastic.
This phrase is almost always followed by criticism. It’s a formality that people use to soften a blow, but almost everyone can see right through it.

Use this instead: “Here’s another way to look at this issue…”

9. “At least…”

Why it’s rude: It dismisses someone’s feelings.
When someone is worried or venting about a problem, they really don’t want some Pollyanna coming along and lecturing them about looking on the bright side.

Use this instead: “I understand you’re going through a rough time. I’m here if you want to talk.” If this is a conversation and not a written exchange, sometimes it’s better to just listen!

10. “It’s just a joke!”

Why it’s rude: Humor is great, but it’s not always harmless.
If you say something that hurts someone else’s feelings or offends them, brushing it off as “just a joke” can feel like you’re blaming them for not laughing.

Use this instead: “I am sorry that I upset you. Thanks for letting me know.”

Language is tricky! The good news is that a little awareness goes a long way. Swapping out these surprisingly rude phrases for more thoughtful ones doesn’t make you “too sensitive”. It makes you a more thoughtful and considerate communicator.

If you’re not sure if a phrase sounds rude, our team of TextRanch editors can take a look at your writing and give you some feedback. We’re open for business 24 hours a day, seven days a week. So just click the blue button below to get started.